Monday, May 01, 2006

May Day, May Day

Apparently many illegal immigrants are taking this year’s Socialist New Year to boycott all things American. They won’t spend money in American businesses. To prove that they are committed to working a better job than they would otherwise work in their home country, many are walking off their jobs to attend random rallies intended to show their solidarity toward other illegal immigrants. I can see this rally as a great benefit to most legal Americans who need some form of government assistance.
If I received a serious injury on this fine Monday, today would be the most convenient day to do so. Most of the hospitals around here are plagued by illegal immigrants (from many countries, not just Mexico) who use the emergency rooms as a general clinic for any random ailment since they cannot be legally turned away. These people usually add an hour or two or more to the wait times at the emergency room. Since all illegal immigrants are being urged by other illegal immigrants to boycott all things American, the emergency rooms should be nearly empty. If I screwed up while using some of my random power tools and needed emergency room care, tomorrow would be the day to do it.
If I was one of the 4.7%* of Americans currently looking for a job, Monday is the day to search. The unemployment offices will be emptier than usual as many illegal immigrants are boycotting all things American. It would potentially be easier to get a job as many people will potentially fired for walking off their jobs to attend demonstrations. If I needed another job, this would be the time to look.
If I was of the criminal mind and took pleasure from harming people, May Day would be the day to do so. If these illegal immigrants are boycotting all things American, they would not call the authorities to report a crime committed against them because that would be a break in their boycott by getting assistance from American authorities.

My solution for the illegal immigration problem:
1) Build a giant wall along the US-Mexican border. Most of our illegal immigrants are coming into the US via this route and it must be capped. This wall would include seismic monitors to monitor underground tunneling that would probably take place.
2) Build an equally impressive wall along the US-Canadian border. Most illegal immigrants coming through our Southern border are of Latino origin. Most non-Latino, illegal immigrants come across our Northern border. Although these numbers are substantially smaller, they are probably very impressive none the less, and these people are equally guilty of breaking our laws.
3) Increase border patrols. We have millions of active soldiers and millions of National Guard troops. I don’t see why we can’t put them on our borders. If they need funding, we should get them more funding. If they need training, we should get them more training. Our congress seems to have no problem earmarking billions of dollars for their pet, pork projects; why not put some of that money to good use.
4) Monitor those immigrants we have in our country already, those here both legally and illegally. If someone is here legally on a work visa, they will usually be deported immediately if they lose their job, so why not let the same be true for the illegal immigrants too? If a Socialist Security number comes up repeatedly in the IRS databases, they should inform the other governmental agencies to investigate (and these agencies should have the resources needed to do so).
5) Heavily penalize businesses for using illegal labor. A fine of a few thousand dollars per labor hour should be sufficient to deter the hiring of an ineligible employee. Also make it easier for business owners to run background checks on their potential employees.
6) We need a better system for allowing legal immigration into the US. Unfortunately Americans are generally lazy bums who don’t like hard work for low pay. Americans are used to getting others to do hard work for close to minimum wage. We should take all of these jobs and offer them first to all those who collect welfare and unemployment handouts. Unfortunately many of these people have been sucking the tits of big government for so long that they cannot be weaned overnight. They should have their benefits slashed if they are offered a job they are capable of and they refuse. If there are jobs left over that won’t be filled, we should consider raising the pay for these jobs. Since most people don’t want to pay several dollars for a pound of produce from the store, that may be unrealistic for the time being. Thus we must offer these jobs to those who are willing to take them for a low price. These are usually the people who would be coming here illegally. Essentially we would have to allow many hundreds of thousands of seasonal workers to apply for these positions.

I’ve worked construction, I’ve worked in a kitchen, I’ve roofed houses, I’ve cleaned fish, I’ve emptied garbages, I’ve mopped floors, I’ve cut wood, I’ve picked apples, I’ve shoveled manure, I’ve done many of the jobs that illegal immigrants do. I personally don’t like many of them and would go out of my way to avoid doing them again, but my dislike is from my own experience. If I really needed the money I would consider doing some of these jobs again, but they’re not my first choice of work. I’m a little fed up that I constantly hear that these are jobs that Americans won’t do. No, they generally won’t do them for minimum wage. Anyone who tells me otherwise is now in jeopardy of losing their head, in any sense of the word you chose.
Happy Socialist New Year to you all.

*Number provided by the Bureau of Labor Statistics